A fiscal upturn

Great news: received the cheque from the insurance company today. The question now is - what shall I do with the money?

I wasn't going to tell the lesbian but she picked up the post and recognised the envelope. Well, she is getting none of it. She says she wants a new kitchen. I said to her: you cook everything in the bloody microwave (or should I say, heat it up) and you want a new kitchen! If it weren't for the pub lunches I'd starve.

Oh, guess who turned up yesterday, large as life - the Swedish tart! The nerve of it. I was going to send her straight packing. Then she produced the snaps! Seems she still has the negatives.

She's in the attic.