Tuesday, September 30, 2014

The gas man cometh

*************************

I was wondering: the Gospel writers - Mathew, Mark, Luke and John - did they not have second names? I guess not, because in those days they called people by what they did for a living. 

Like in Wales, although they have surnames, there are so many Jones's they have 'Jones the milk', 'Jones the post', Jones the arsonist...

So, back in Galilee, they may have had, Mathew the fisherman, Mather the goatherd, Mathew the gospel writer...

Another thing: why are there no women gospel writers? A friend of mine told me that rumours existed of a gospel written by Mary Magdalene. It would  be nice to have a woman's perspective on the events of that time. But of course this was the Middle East and educating women doesn't seem to be a top priority.

Whatever. Some people say there was no 'historical' Jesus. I'd like to think that there was.

Someone suggested - in relation to the Magna  Carter - that sometimes the myth is more important than the reality. I don't know.

--------------------------------

I'm waiting for the gas engineer. He's coming to fix the boiler - again. It's quite an old boiler. Although, come to think about it, it's had so many new parts it almost  qualifies as a new boiler.

When I was a lad we didn't have a gas boiler. We had a boiler behind the (coal) fire. I think we called it a copper.

We also had a 'geyser'. Not like the one in Yellowstone Park - now that really would have been fun. This one was fixed to the wall, and when you turned the water tap a ring of gas jets lit up, and you had instant hot water.

I never thought I had a deprived childhood but in some ways I did. Deprivation is so relative though, isn't it?

Anyway, I've just had a phone call from the gas man, saying he will be here in ten minutes.


Back later.

Monday, September 29, 2014

Drawing a line in the sand

*************************

Jeremy Kyle often urges couples with relationship problems to 'draw a line in the sand'. But sometimes when I have drawn a line in the sand, the tide has come in and washed it away.

Perhaps it would be better to 'draw a line in wet cement'.

Although it doesn't have the same metaphorical ring.


Another day, another dollar!

******************************

Another day dawns and, once the dust of dreams has settled, you get up and get on with it. Of course I am grateful for being alive - and a bit guilty for not feeling as grateful as I know I should.

'Should' - what a word that is. We are plagued by 'shoulds' and 'oughts'. What about 'wants' and 'needs'!

I think that the ideal society would be one where the needs of the individual are the same as the needs of society. (Or at least, as near a fit as possible). Maybe that's a long way off.

In the meantime let's watch 'Jeremy Kyle'. Oh, it's time for a commercial break.

It's a dull morning (weather-wise). There's a song: Somewhere the sun in shining/Oh honey don't you cry. I guess the sun is shining, somewhere; probably Iraq and Syria.

I wonder if they wake up there and say 'Oh no, not another bloody hot day!' I doubt it; it is we British who are obsessed with weather, probably because we never know from one day to the next what it's going to be like.

I look out the window. A man on a huge quad-bike thing is going along, sweeping the gutter. That's technology for you.

Of course, the sun is always shining. If you get up there, above the clouds. Maybe I should take a plane somewhere: Croatia? Slovenia?

I think that's what I need: lots of sunshine. I bought one of those 'daylight' lamps a few years ago. I used it the first winter. Don't know if it worked or not. Hard to assess these things. So many variables.

Well, I shall get my breakfast, and then I have some 'admin' to do.

Have a nice day, Y'all.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

To all the 'don't knows'

**************************

Who's side are you on?
Who's side?
You gotta decide who's side.

If you sit on the fence all the whiles,
You'll end up with a bad dose of piles -
So come on all you 'don't knows',
And decide which way the wind blows.

Oh alright then, have one more whisky,
And don't do anything risky,
It might all just go away -
So let's leave it, for one more day.

---------------------------------------------------------------

A rather dullish morning pertains here in the north west of England. But is has become incumbent on me to take a trip to the city. I like cities. I have seen Washington but have yet to see New York - a friend of mine has been several times and says she loves it. London is my favourite, though.

No word from Anna. I sometimes think she might be working for MI6!

I drink my tea, and gaze out on the urban landscape - or should that be 'suburban'?

No matter. I must away.

Friday, September 26, 2014

Friday night

*****************************

Everybody I know is having scans and tests and procedures. And 'oscopies: cameras shoved down their throats an up their bums. And bits of 'em cut out and sent for Analysis. And all to stop them from dying. To delay their journey to that great re-cycling plant in the sky.

They've stopped doing Kronenbourg in the pub. They've replaced it with San Miguel, which is not as strong but a very smooth beer. So that's alright, then.

There are things and there are symbols. Symbols are just as real as things - but they are not things.

I had a nightmare the other night and woke up about 3am and was inspired to write a story about it.

The wisdom of the East?

*************************

Let's blame the Americans,
Let's bash the Yanks -
Just look what they are doing
With their warplanes and their tanks!

It's not as if it's Germany
In nineteen forty four -
'Cos then they were on our side,
Helping us win the war.

Nagassaki and Hiroshima?
We didn't cause a fuss,
The Americans were our allies,
Finishing off for us.

But isn't it amazing
How soon we can forget,
Now that we're multicultural,
And politically correct!

And the Yankee Carpetbaggers
(or so I understands)
Are foisting their 'democracy'
On Middle Eastern lands.

Ancient civilisations,
Old as the desert sands,
With traditions like public stonings
And the chopping off of hands.

Where women know their place,

And are thankful for their lot,
And men are lords and masters -
And Mohamed knows what's what.

But look! Here comes more trouble,
A Middle Eastern crisis,
We're in danger from attack again -
This time it's bloody ISIS.

So come on Yanks, get cracking
With your missile strikes and stuff,
This time we'll even lend a hand -
If things get bad enough.







Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Anna

************************

Anna's gone to Sweden,
Anna's gone away -
She says she's coming back again
To England, one fine day.

But the days are getting shorter
And the nights seem oh so long,
And I'm left with just a photograph -
Of Anna, in her thong.

Heads will roll

*******************************

I found the duck's head on the path again this morning. I think it's the cats that do it. It was only Monday when I stuck it back on with that fibreglass resin. 

I'll try something else.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

SCOTTISH REFERENDUM

**********************

UPDATE

In view of the progress made in recent negotiations, Mr Cameron has ordered a scaling-down of military exercises along the Scottish border.
RAF Tornadoes will continue to make reconnaisance flights over the border counties.

Mr Clegg has denied the the presence of Russian military advisers in Gretna Green.