Tuesday, December 28, 2004

The Festivities

Well, Christmas turned out to be not as bad as I had feared. Hector, dear, I would have loved to have had you over, but you would have had to share a room with Sydney (the East Wing is still subject to the 'condemned' notice, placed by the council in August) and I know you like your privacy. Perhaps New Year?

I decided to put my foot down and insist that George and the Swedish trollop did not share a bedroom. George slept in the 'Blue Room' and the Swede came in with me.
And, do you know, I quite got to like Anastasia. It just goes to show that you should never judge a person until you really get to know them - and I really did get to know her over the next few days. She revealed a whole new side to her that I never thought existed: warm, fun loving, adventurous.

Cecil (our vicar) disgraced himself during 'Charades' - the less said about that the better.

George was all sulky when he could see how well Anastasia and I were getting on.

Sydney invited some of his friends from the 'Drop-In Centre' and mother brought her new boy-friend, Angelo. So you can see we had quite a houseful. (The downside being that so many people puts quite a strain on the lavatorial arrangements - and the drains are still blocked! - still, we all 'mucked-in' so to speak.)

Have to close now - Anastasia wants a little help with her blouse.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Brain surgery aint what it's cracked up to be

GEORGE SAYS

George is back! And the cat has disappeared.
I know.... I am a fool unto myself. But what can I do?
He arrived late last night - with that woman. She was drunk and vommited all over the parquet floor in the hall.

Sydney is not speaking to me. He thinks I am being weak.
And I know I will get it in the neck from mother, when she comes on Boxing day.

But, after all, it is the season of goowill. And I intend to slip something into George's Port after dinner. It is a little something I got from Mother Crankit. She lives in a caravan down by the old cess-pit. Some folks say she is a witch. I wouldn't know, but she's helped me out before, with the odd curse.

The vicar is coming for Christamas lunch, and Mr Tolville from the Off Licence. Also Elsie Munchen who runs the Domestic Violence Shelter - and a couple of her young ladies.

I look forward to seeing Sydney's eyes light up again.

Must go - I have to stuff George's bird.

Merry Christmas,


Georgina

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Harrovian

GEORGE SAYS

Sir. I find your interest in youth work admirable. In this day and age, when so many people are out for what they can get, it is refreshing to find someone willing to devout so much of his time to our young people - who are, let's face it, our future.

I will speak to Sydney when he returns home from the cinema. But he is a delicate boy and would have to be treated with care and consideration.

I went into the cellar to get the Christmas tree, but I cannot get it up by myself. How I miss having a man in the house.
We usually have a big party here at the manor and invite all the poor children of the village (I think you would like it) but, quite honestly, I don't feel I can raise the enthusiasm what with all that has happened over the last few weeks.

The only pleasure I have these days is the Hoover; but I must admit that the housework in general has 'gone to the dogs'.

I went down to the pub last night to try and cheer myself up. Miss Winstanley, our postmistress was there. She has recently been 'released into the community' and I must say is looking very well - considering all that is wrong with her.
She seemed to be doing a good trade with her 'postcards' but I don't want to get into all of that again.

I had a phone call from George. Well, it was just heavy breathing - but I know it was him.

A wistful Georgina

Harrovian

GEORGE SAYS

Sir. I find your interest in youth work admirable. In this day and age, when so many people are out for what they can get, it is refreshing to find someone willing to devout so much of his time to our young people - who are, let's face it, our future.

I will speak to Sydney when he returns home from the cinema. But he is a delicate boy and would have to be treated with care and consideration.

I went into the cellar to get the Christmas tree, but I cannot get it up by myself. How I miss having a man in the house.
We usually have a big party here at the manor and invite all the poor children of the village (I think you would like it) but, quite honestly, I don't feel I can raise the enthusiasm what with all that has happened over the last few weeks.

The only pleasure I have these days is the Hoover; but I must admit that the housework in general has 'gone to the dogs'.

I went down to the pub last night to try and cheer myself up. Miss Winstanley, our postmistress was there. She has recently been 'released into the community' and I must say is looking very well - considering all that is wrong with her.
She seemed to be doing a good trade with her 'postcards' but I don't want to get into all of that again.

I had a phone call from George. Well, it was just heavy breathing - but I know it was him.

A wistful Georgina

Friday, December 10, 2004

devastated

GEORGE SAYS

Harry's gone. I am undone. He has left a gap which cannot be filled.

Thursday night he had a phone call from Marvin, his boss (Head of Station, Bagdhad).It seems the CIA now think that the man in custody who they believed was Saddam Hussein may, in fact, not be the tyrant!
Harry is the only member of the CIA who went to school with Saddam. Admittedly, Harry was only in the first form at 'Bagdhad High' whilst Saddam was in the upper sixth - and Head Boy. Nevertheless, it is believed that he would remember details that an imposter could not possibly know. Hence his recall, in order to interrogate the prisoner.

Harry tells me that his family lived in Bagdhad for a few years, whilst his father was sourcing sand for the giant B & Q chain, during the hey-day of DIY, just after the war.

Anyway, he is gone. But I have happy memories.

The vicar called round. He wants me to do the Jam stall again.

Georgina

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Gas masks and raincoats

Just managed to grab a couple on minutes at the keyboard.

Many thanks to Harrovian for the offer of the gas-mask. May take you up on that. Being the cultivated gentleman that you are, I imagine it is not one of the 'ordinary' ones that the peasantry used to carry in a cardboard box slung around their neck, during the war. Rather, I imagine, it is of the so-called 'Mickey Mouse' type: a proper face mask with two great goggly eyes and a lovely piece of hose down to the chest respirator. Wonderful.
I used to wear one of those whilst doing the hoovering (just a little pleasure), until that awful man expropriated it.

The vicar (Reverend Wilkins) called today. It is the village fete in January (yes, an unusual time of year to hold a fete, but the parking is much easier and we don't get people fainting from the heat - also the meat pies don't go off)

Anyway Cecil (as I call him) is hoping to carry away first prize in the 'Dirty Old Man' contest, now that George has gone. And he wanted to know if he could borrow the monster's old raincoat. I said he could have it, with pleasure. (I hope he didn't misunderstand me).

I am anxiously watching the post for the 'Letter from America' promised by R J Adams (plain cover).

Hope Sydney didn't give the wrong impression about Harry. I don't know what I would have done without him these past few days (or is it weeks?).

Oh. I'll have to stop now - here he comes again.

Georgina

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Message from Mummy

Hello

Mummy has asked me to say a big thank you to those who have responded to her plea for understanding. She says she will reply to you all in full, only at the moment she 'hasn't got a minute to herself'

Uncle Harry has come to stay with us. I have never met him before, but mummy says he has been away in America helping Mr Bush in his fight against the Evil One.
Uncle Harry is a deeply religious man (like Mr Bush), he brings God into the conversation at every opportunity. For instance, on Saturday I asked him to take me to the zoo. He replied: Why you wanna go the goddamn zoo, kid? All them goddamn mangy animals. It aint proper. They should be in the goddamn wild, like what nature intended - so's folks could go an hunt 'em and shoot 'em. Ain't you got no goddamn buddies ? (I think he meant friends). When I was your goddamn age I was out chasin ass. (I have no idea what this means)
He is very generous: he gives me money to go to the pictures in the afternoon, and buys me lots of sweets (candy, he calls it). Mummy is looking positively radiant since his arrival. She says to tell a Mr R J Adams and a gentleman known as 'Harrovian' that she will be contacting them personally - just as soon as she "gets her breath back".

Oh yes - and she has been unable to reach the URL 'good2go' but thanks for the comment.

Anyway I must go now. Mummy and Uncle Harry have gone down the 'Jolly Pervert' and Uncle Harry has given me a video to watch. It is called 'The Piano Teacher'. He says it will help in my studies. (I have been having trouble with my left hand recently). He is so thoughtful.

Sidney

Saturday, December 04, 2004

To whom it may concern

Please note: My husband has not , repeat not travelled to the Phillipines. He is shacked up with that Swedish trollop in a council flat in Gateshead.
She is welcome to him. When I told Sydney that he would not have to go into care because that monster had finally left, the little lad's eyes were swimming with tears.
"Has that horrible man gone for good, mummy?" he said.
"Yes son, he has" I told him. Then we opened a couple of cans of Special Brew and settled down to watch snooker.

Anyway, I now have for sale, the following items:

Suits, gents - Burtons Tailoring - 44" chest, 26" leg (various colours - some with specially adapted trousers)
One single bed (hardly used)
Diving suit (deep sea) with attachments
Gents riding breeches and boots (size 12) - never seen a horse
2 pair rubber vetinary gloves (elbow length)
Polaroid camera
Book "Euthanasia for Beginners" (in Swedish)
Magazines: 'Leather and Rubber Fetish Monthly' 2003 (complete except for November issue)
Boxed set 'Hitler's Speeches'

Note: there are too many items to list in full, but if you are looking for anything please post comment.

No reasonable offer refused (story of my life)

Georgina (Ms)

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Au revoir

It has become incumbent upon me to make an extended business trip to the Phillipines, along with my secretary and travelling companion, Miss Anastasia Bjoerdes (ex au pair).
This station will, therefore, be going 'off air'.

George