Never mind the food, taste the flavour

I don't like salt and vinegar flavoured crisps. I think there's too much salt and vinegar, and not enough crisp. When you get too much salt and vinegar you can't taste the potato - and what's the point of that?

I mean, I suppose someone with a jaded palette may need salt and vinegar to liven it up a bit, but even so, I say: go easy on the salt and vinegar.

I have a friend who is a heavy pipe smoker, and he can hardly taste anything at all. So he has to have very spicy food: chili and curries - that sort of stuff. If he has salt and vinegar crisps he thinks they're plain.

I like plain crisps. But one time they didn't have any, so I said: What have you got then?

The barmaid said: We got roast chicken and stuffing flavour; barbecue steak and onion flavour; cheese and onion flavour; prawn and seaweed flavour. 

I said: Have you got any ferret and banana flavour?

I don't think so, she said, but we have cheesy wotsits and potato sticks. 

But these last two are not crisps at all, I said.

Will that be all? she said.

No. What flavours do you have in nuts?