This morning I hear knock on door of flat. When I open, there is standing adolescent  trollop in uniform of schoolgirl. Which is two sizes too small since she is bulging and hanging out of it in most unseemly fashion.

Yes? What are you wanting? - I say.

Is Davey in, luv? Says this creature.

Davey? I expostulate. Who is this Davey?

Sorry, I mean Dave - smiles the tart, taking out cigarette from pocket of uniform.

Dave is writing his novel and must not be disturbed. I advise her, angrily.

Alright luv, well just tell him Shona called - and she's got some good news. You couldn't give us a light, could you, darlin?

I am not a smoking person - I answer her. This is filthy disgusting habit which will soon be a crime to do on streets of town.

Well, then I'd better get smokin while I can - she says, and starts to depart. But then she turn and say to me - You're not from around these parts, are you.

I respond angrily - I would not be from around these parts even if I had no other parts to be around from.

She laugh, and I shut door.

I do not wish to disturb Dave at his writing but as soon as he finishes, which is 3pm, I will demand explanation. 

I am just writing this to get if off my chests (another idiom).

Please remember your deadline is ticking away - like my biological clock.

Anna