Some pointers on structure

(I hear the clop-clop of Myra’s boot-heels as she crosses the hall, then the kitchen door bangs open. I am trying to think about the questions Myra has posed, but my brain is hurting. Suddenly there comes the sound of a cat skidding across a parquet floor. Seconds later Myra enters the room carrying 2 pint bottles of Guinness – but no glasses)

Myra: (handing me a bottle) Here, get that down you.
Me: Thank you. (I take a sip of my drink – I’ve never drunk Guinness out of a bottle before)
Myra: Don’t sip – GULP… that’s my motto in life.
(Thus encouraged, I take a fair swig – and choke. Eventually I stop coughing and spluttering. And then a thought occurs to me…)
Me: Why did you have to let Perkins in? What about the cat flap?
Myra: Hector has nailed it shut.
Me: Why did he do that?
Myra: Because he’s a twat. Now, where were we?
Me: You asked me to think about a couple of questions, but I –
Myra: Oh never mind. Consider then more as Zen koans. You know, like: what is the sound of one hand clapping? Incidentally, there is a bit of Buddhism in my religion. Of course you know Buddhism is not a religion: it is more a philosophy, along with Confucianism. Actually, I am thinking of writing a book on Zen Buddhism.
Me: Really?
Myra: Yes, a sort of modern commentary, if you like. How about this for a title: Now and Zen? Snappy? What do you think? I mean you being in the authoring game and that?
Me: Snappy, indeed. But to get back to our topic: where does your religion fit in the three mainstream religions?
Myra: Christianity, Islam and Hinduism? Well it’s rather up to the novitiate. You see ours is more of a ‘pick and mix’ affair. You choose the bits you want and reject those you don’t. We are – quite literally – a broad Church.
Me: I see. And what about the name: Church of the Latter Day Sinners?
Myra: Well, we accept sinners into our church.
Me: But so does the Christian Church…
Myra: Ah yes, but their sinners are expected to repent. With us, repenting is optional.
Me: Well that is certainly a new slant on ‘forgiveness’.
Myra: Who said anything about forgiveness?
Me: Well I naturally thought –
Myra: If you go on forgiving folk you deprive them of the opportunity to learn from the consequences of the actions. That’s one of our central tenets. Remember, you were asking me about tenets?
Me: Y..e…e s. And it makes sense, in a strangely perverted way.
Myra: Perverts are welcome too.
Me: But you haven’t really told me anything about your creed. You do have a creed?
Myra: Again, the answer is yes, and no. We are a bit ad hoc as regards creeds. We do have certain tenets – and I have just given you one. Here’s another: spontaWe must strive toward spontaneity. But let me say a bit more about how our religion is structured.
Me: I wish you would.
Myra: Imagine one of those big sweet shops were they have a ‘pick and mix’ counter. You know, with all those plastic bins and the little shovels? The little children come in and help themselves: this kid a shovel-full of liquorice torpedoes, maybe half a shovel-full of dolly mixtures, just a few aniseed balls, a quarter shovel of mint-imperials – no fruity-chews, no chocolate raisins…. The next kid might favour the raisins but forsake the dolly mixtures… and so it goes.
Now, instead of a sweet shop, imagine a religion shop. Get the idea?
Me: So you mean The Church of the Latter Day Sinners is a sort of pot-pourri of all the other religions on offer?
Myra: In a way.
Me: But where does the structure come in if each member of the church is allowed to pick and mix like that?
Myra: I wield the shovel!
Me: What?
Myra: Well you wouldn’t want kids just shovelling away at the pick and mix, would you? You’d have liquorice torpedoes flying all over the bleedin’ place; mint-imperials rolling around the floor like ball-bearings, turning it into a roller-skating rink. Next thing you know: comes along some old lady – goes arse over tit. Crash bang wallop. Broken hip! Shopkeeper gets sued. What a palaver – can’t be having that.
Me: Well, since you put it –
Myra: Besides, you know what some of the greedy little buggers are like: they’d be making themselves ill. Say, choosing all them sickly chocolate mint creams, filling their bags (and their gobs) with all sorts of gooey muck. You need a responsible adult.
Same in the religion shop: they get to choose – but I am in charge of the shovel. And that’s were you get the structure. Fancy another Guinness?