I WONDER...

I wonder if it’s because I’ve reduced the meds? Why I am feeling so glum, I mean. I just decided to do it off my own bat – I thought, I don’t want a brain marinated in fluoxetine.

But I may have made a mistake: some say that when you reach a certain age and you have been on Prozac for years, you need to stay on it – forever.

I have noticed a marked increase in libido since I have halved the dose. I have also noticed increased irritability and mood swings.

I could go to see one of those people… what are they called? … Doctors! But I don’t want to go down that road again.

I’ll see how this road bends.

It’s difficult to know whether it is the reduction in the meds or the traumatic events in my life that have led to this dip in mood. Well it is more than a dip – much more. It is a sort of permanent state of realization of how things really are. And don’t tell me we can never know how things really are – I studied metaphysics too: I know it is ‘all down to one’s perspective’. I wonder whether that’s what they said on the Somme in 1916?

This glumness, now; this state of realization. I am not just talking about the fact that some Swedish nutter is out to get me. That was all a misunderstanding, which can soon be straightened out – if they don’t straighten me out first.

I’ll go to the police. That’s what I’ll do. Demand police protection.

But wait a minute – would that be wise? They would start asking questions. Poking around. And there are some things that are best left undisturbed, so to speak. Some stones best left unturned.

I’ll do nothing for the moment. I’m not afraid of Sven and his gang of turnip heads – anyway, they don’t know where I am.


(exit singing: 'Always look on the bright side of life...'