Oh, Georgie. I laugh so much my knickers fall down! (They don’t really – this is expression we Swedish girls have when something of great hilarity happens.) What I laugh at is your story of the button-up flies – even though I think you are telling most of this from the imagination. And of which father do you speak? Your biological father or the husband of your mother?

Never mind – it is of no consequence.

You are such a worrier, Georgie – about state of world and people in it. Why not do you take what best bits you can, and enjoy. Like for example if you are hungry and you have apple, just because this fruit is a bit knocked, and brown in parts you would not throw away - but instead spit out the bad bits and eat the rest.

Also I do not know why you should wish to watch this Jeremy person who helps people wash in public their dirty linen. Why not do you watch instead jolly programme, which will make you laugh (but not cause knickers to fall down! – little Swedish joke). Myself I do not watch much the television, even though Brian has giant screen – nearly as big as wall - preferring as I do Radio 4 of the BBC, which is entertaining and educating at one and the same time, and helps enormously my English language speaking.

Now to what we are discussing at the last visit of myself and Brian (only Brian stay outside in car due to sensitive nature of topic). Brian has been promoted to Inspector of buses. This does not mean he inspects mechanical workings of the buses – no, he sees that there is driver for each bus and drivers do job properly and buses run on time, and also deals with complaints of miserable passengers. This is very responsible job, for which Brian get paid much more money.

Well, Brian have idea that this is good time we should get married (Brian and Anna). This would only be marriage of connivance, as you say. It would not involve rearing of ugly head of sex, because as you know Brian is of the persuasion that favours male company –he is gay. But he says to me that since I already do housework and buying of food for cooking in the microwave and such things, why should not I have status of proper wife. Then the buggers from Immigration dept would not be coming looking for me to bung me on next boat to Sweden.

I say to him – and what is in it for you baby. And he say – well, we could go together to official functions of bus company - now I am inspector - as respectable couple, and also benefits would be  in income tax allowances and various other ways. So how about it? Says Brian.

Do not you think this would be a good idea, Georgie? It would not affect our relationship, which is as lover and soul-mate, and romantic with much sex. While Brian would be free to pursue men (I think he has given up on Winston who is likely to be detained for the pleasure of her majesty for some time to come in the future).

Anyways, I do not yet decide to accept this generous offer of Brian. But what am I to do? I would much better liking to be living with you, my Georgie, but you still are in loony bin and have not house which to offer home to a girl. So this is problem.

I hope I have spelt out well the main things of which we talked, and would like very much to hear a similarly well spelt out reply – instead of all that ‘bugger me’ and ‘never heard anything like it’ and ‘don’t tell me’ and ‘where is the cheeky bugger?’ And then you having to be restrained by loony bin attendants for your own safety – and that of Brian.

So please be writing soon, my lover (well optimistically I hope for this)

Your Anna