MAN'S FALSE LEG FOUND UNDER ROLLER COASTER

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I went to see my doctor last week. Well, my real doctor was fully booked: he specialises in gynaecology, and I guess there must be a lot of that about at this time of year.

I saw a lady doctor. She’s very nice. She said, “Perhaps you should up your medication.”
“Up yours” I retorted. No I didn’t, because I think she has a point. I have always been reluctant to increase the dosage, but what the heck: it’s the time of year that always gets to me, so this time I will accept a bit of help – even if it is of the chemical variety.

Ophelia (Actually her name is Helen but I like to think of her as Dr Ophelia Pulse) also agreed to refer me for a course of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, to any cork-heads out there). I told Ophelia that I call it the ‘Microwave Therapy’ – how she laughed.

Competition news

There was no outright winner of last week’s “Complete the song title” competition.

“There’s a rainbow round my …”

“All the nice girls love a …”

Although there were some pretty inventive entries, the answers we were looking for were, of course: “shoulder” and “sailor”.

And by the way RJ, regarding your post, trivialising my condition: I do not believe a word of your story about a Christmas song. I judge it as another of your flights of fancy – along with your alleged adventures on canals. I have had a look at Illinois with that Google Earth thing, and there is not a canal in sight, let alone a Narrowboat.


I read in the newspaper that a man's false leg had been found under the roller-coaster at Alton Towers, during a cleaning up operation.

Management are appealing for the owner to come forward.

Limping presumably.