Saturday, June 30, 2012

Perevules and zonks

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Change and decay,
All around I see -
My lovely young dentist
Is leaving me.

Now then, Anna, I told you I had a dental appointment on the 26th - which was last Tuesday - but you haven't asked me how I went on!

Well, I had a rather deep filling and my mouth is still a bit sore - as my dentist warned that it would be. She said it would settle down, though.

But I have learned that my dentist is leaving the practice! Just when I had (to paraphrase Professor Higgins) become accustomed to her fingers. I felt quite depressed at the news. It demonstrates, yet again, the uncertainty of life.

The receptionist tells me that her replacement is also a woman. I quite like lady dentists but we shall just have to see how we get along. I think it is quite important to establish a good rapport with one's dentist since they invade (penetrate you might say) one's private space. I mean, in what other situation would you allow a woman to stick her rubber-gloved hand in your mouth?


Changing the subject, Anna: I was reflecting the other day upon the nature of 'truth'.I mean, can there ever be such a thing as objective truth? And what about facts? Are they just perhaps a special type of opinion? The desk at which I sit measures 5' 2" x 3' 4". I call this a 'fact' because every time I apply my steel tape measure I get the same result.


But is this a fact to a woodworm, living in the desk? (It's an old desk).


Then again, what are feet and inches? Conventions. Something we agree to work with. But I could say that my desk is 4 perevules, 7 zonks x 2 perevules, 13 zonks. And that would be a fact if I had devised a system in which perevules and zonks were accepted units of measurement.


So you see, Anna, nothing is as it seems.


I am quite happy to go along with your idea of Gerda's flat as a suitable venue for our next encounter.
Providing you can guarantee she will not return unannounced. This is a woman with whom I do not wish to bandy words - about promissory notes or anything else.


I look forward to hearing from you.


As ever

 George

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Such a fuss you are making, Georgie, of Mr Adams orgins.

Wherefore ever he originated he now lives at beautiful place called Michigan. This I know because last Christmastime I peruse his blog and see pictures of snow on trees and ice and frost, and it is like a winter wonderland. It is reminding me of my own country with is Sweden but to which I cannot return for reasons I am not prepared to discuss here but which you Georgie are aware of them (some).

Anyway it is just the accident of birth that I am born in Sweden because I am conceived there by my parents (what a joyous occasion that must have been), and they are Swedish people and so I am Swedish. But if my conception had occured in some awful place in England (which is going to the dogs, so Gerda say) and my parents English... well, occasion might not be so joyful but I would be English and probable have to live in some place like Swindon or Leicester.

 I do live in Leicester but this is not accident of birth of but instead accident of chain of misfortunes - some which you also are involved.

Never mind., As Gerda also say - If you make your bed out of a sow's ear then you cannot expect it to feel like a silk purse.

Which is reminding me - have you yet considered my offer of  weekend in Gerda's flat?

Yours anticipatory

Anna 

Oh and by the wayside - You talk about abusive relationship. Let me tell you, Georgie - all relationships become abusive if they go on long enough.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Now look what you've done!

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Anna, you silly Swedish sophomore, have I not told you that Mr Adams, although currently domiciled in the USA, is as English as you or me (well, not you, obviously) and I fear you may have offended him. 
(see his comment).


Also, as regards the trouble I am supposed to have caused in the Cotswolds, let me remind you that 'trouble' was visited upon me! Have you forgotten that I was in an abusive relationship at the time?


Is this size of text big enough for you?

Sunday, June 24, 2012


I know Carol. She is a tart. Should have revolving door on bedroom.

You introduce her to me one night in public house which is called Jolly Ploughman, but you and stupid friends call Jolly Pervert on account of activities of landlord and wife plus certain of bar staff which include Carol

All this is happening when I am au pair for you and wife at house Wynorin, what is in beautiful Cotswold village which you think funny to call Farting on the Hump - not real name, which I will not write it here because of trouble you cause there many years ago and  people of village threaten what they will be doing to you if you ever set the foot once more in village.

Anyways, far have we come from idyllic life in countryside - never mind.

Can perhaps you be typing in bigger letters because my eyesight having a bit of trouble. I think it is all the studying I do but which soon be over because I am taking last exam (for this year). I am considering having the laser surgery what I see advertised on the television because I remember old English saying of Guys don't make passes at girls who wears glasses. Not that I am wanting anyone to make passes - excepting of course my Georgie - still you understand my meaning.


Yes I do know of humble origin of yourself in mining village - you tell me this many times - but first time I have heard you tell of squares of newspaper behind door of lavatory. This is so primitive. Never in Sweden would we have such practices. Also cannot understand how Mr Adams know about these things since he being American where being sophisticated nation they have proper washrooms, but perhaps he is born in Hilly Billy country where things being very backwards with everybody marrying cousins or any person available so probably not concerned about toilet arrangements.

I think I have perfect solutions to problem of venue for our next tryst (this is word I find in Thesaurus whic is extremely useful book for one studying English language like that I am). Gerda is still away in Soho, London so why not we use her flat? Leicester (why do you English have such bloody funny spellings of words? Why do you not say this word as Lester which is making more sense - never mind) is splendid town offering many facilities for the discerning visitor. So guide books say. But is also offering splendid facilities of Gerda's flat, which include Anna! Which guide book not mentioning... (little joke...ha,ha).

Anyways, write quickly (in bigger typing please) and tell me what you think of this potential arrangement.

Your Anna


Thursday, June 21, 2012

Carol - and other stuff

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Carol never opened her bedroom curtains. They remained closed day and night. She said it was to stop the sun fading the duvet. I wanted to say to her: Carol, this is Wolverhampton not the south of bleedin' France.  Of course I didn't.  That girl was good to me in those dark days when I was evicted from my own home by you-know-who.

Yes, that modest council flat provided a refuge, a safe harbour from the cruel storms of life.

As Carol used to say:
I'm a port, in a storm -
Your harbour, where it's warm -
In my arms you will hide
From the great big world outside.

No she didn't - that was Marlene Dietrich - but it could easily have been Carol.

Of course you knew Carol, didn't you? From an upper class background, the product of a posh girls' school, she chose to live on a council estate in order to gather data at first hand for her doctoral thesis - The council estate syndrome: a phenomological investigation into the relationship between domestic violence and low cost, high-rise development in an inner-city environment.

There she met Gary.  She now identifies with the proletariat, affecting a lower-class accent and adopting the idioms and slovenly syntax of the lower orders.

Of course she didn't complete her thesis and has, instead, taken on the role of prison visitor. Well, Gary is inside more than he's out so it's one way of keeping the relationship going.

Anyway, I thought of Carol this morning when I decided to leave my bedroom curtains closed. You know that I'm a stickler for routine: Every morning I get up, fold the duvet so the bed can get an airing, smooth down the sheet and then open the curtains. I always make sure they are exactly the same width on each side of the window. Well I suppose that's what a military training does for one. (I don't do the  'Hospital Corners' to the sheets any more, though).

Anyway this morning I thought: blow it - I'm going to have a break with routine. So I left the bed just as I got out of it and I did not open the curtains. I went downstairs, made myself a cup of tea and spread honey on a Sesame seed Ryvita.

Of course I opened the curtains later, and tidied the bed. But the point I am making is that sometimes it is good to have a break from routine - just to demonstrate to yourself that you can do it. Like occasionally going to bed without brushing your teeth; just once in a while it won't do you any harm.

Actually, that reminds me - I have a dental appointment on the 26th.

But I am rambling on about myself, which is not like me.

I am proud of you already, and when you get your degree - which I am sure you will - I expect to be invited to the graduation ceremony.

And I do take note of what you say regarding the 'bigger picture', it's just that I have (or so I was once told) the philosopher's temperement.

You may be right in that I 'think too much' but in order not to think too much one has to think about thinking itself, and then decide how much thinking is about right. This, of course, involves more thinking.
It's very tricky.

By the way, if anyone thinks I am denigrating the working-class - I am not! I myself am 'working-class'. You, Anna, are aware of my humble beginnings: We lived in a ‘two up, two down’ with a lavatory at the end of the yard. But it was kept spotlessly clean (as I type this I 'smell' the fresh whitewash) and we had squares of newspaper on a nail behind the door: usually the Times or the Telegraph (my father only read the broadsheets). But I have to say (based upon my experience in friends' lavatories) that the coarser paper on which the tabloids were printed was in fact more absorbent.

Sorry to end on such a prosaic note, but after all... when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Don't burn too much of the midnight oil.

George

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Metaphor/Simile what is it mattering. 


Problem with you Georgie is you are getting bogged up with the detail.

Have I not been often telling you to concern yourself with big picture!! 

Of course I remember this Myra person and her crazy religions, which also have certain peculiar practices. But no I do not know what she means with future already happened.  She is cracked pot - like Phelps woman. I think her (Myra) and your loony brother are making good couple. 

Strenuous and hurting the brain is the revision I am doing. With the functionalism, conflict theories and the phenomenolgy one does not know if on head or tail. Still I will be persevering because I wish to have photo taken in gown and funny cap which will show Sven and all others who laugh at me that I am real bona intellectual. Also that you, Georgie, will be proud of your Anna. 


I think you dream strange dreams because head is full of too much detail as I have previously said above. And this stuff goes in what they call subliminally (do I spell correctly?) and then subconscious get to work (we do also psychology on degree course). And may be you have kind of subconscious which make up fantastical stories which sometime bothering you.


But on one of the other hands all this stuff in the head is just way it is with you and also have advantages like, with the imagination for the writing and stuff. So perhaps learning to live with this situation is best thing and accepting it and using it. Yes, more I am thinking more I am coming to these concludings


I look up word 'eschew' and am glad you doing this to canal boat idea. You know my tallness does not suit confining spaces - there being some exceptions! 

So put on thinking hat and find good venue.

I go to bed now, with Emile Durkheim (this is not real man - he was, but is now dead but write important stuff which I need to read) 


Write speedily


Your Anna

Saturday, June 16, 2012

ME AGAIN

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Two nightmares last night, Anna - I wonder if it was that extra fish-finger?

Anyway, I awoke full of angst - and wind.

Do dreams just happen in our head? Random images, snatches of dialogue woven into bizarre, meaningless tales - (monkeys and typewriters?).

Or do they connect us with a larger reality? Jung's collective unconscious ?
In dreams there is no distinction made between the 'living' and the 'dead'. But if it is all just memories and stuff - data in our vast labyrinthine computer - why do we produce such malign, violent, scary stories when we are asleep?

Are they supposed to mean something? I think the answer to that (like to most things) is sometimes.

In fact, Anna, when you ask cannot I write another book... I have this idea for a self-help book, although in this case it will be a Help Yourself book. It is based on the premise that much of our unhappiness stems from our desire for certainty: that things should stay the same; that they should last forever. This mistaken concept is ingrained in our culture - our popular songs. For example: I'll be loving you, always. I would change that to: I'll be loving you - sometimes.

I like Felicity Kendal's attitude... "I want to disrupt routine... While others find the unknown threatening, for me it is a place of security; I find change essential."

Anyway, let's press on.


That was a lovely image you conjured up, Anna: the two of us wrapped tightly around each other, like twins in the womb.

Now, I don't want to appear pedantic but that was actually a simile and not a metaphor, because you used the word 'like'. I just thought I would tell you because I know you are always anxious to improve your English.

Hope your studying is going well.

Your George

Oh, and I think we should eschew the canal boat thing - I shall think of something else


Wednesday, June 13, 2012

STOP PRESS

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I just had to tell you this Anna.

Guess who rolled up at Mistress Bulstrode's over the weekend?  MYRA! Yes, that's right, my brother's wife! Seeking a reconciliation!

She drove up from Dorset on her motorcycle combination.

Talk about a blast from the past! (see my post of Tuesday 19th December, 2006)

We had quite a chat. She tells me that she has started another religious cult. It is a reaction against traditional religions like Roman Catholicism, Methodism and so on - it's called

Don't Knowism

She is hoping to trawl a few agnostics... perhaps even atheists: her religion's central tenet is

Worship at the altar of doubt

Anyway, I gave Hector some money to go down the Off-Licence and get a few bottles of Guinness and we had a most cordial evening.(a fragrant aroma of pipe smoke still pervades the sitting room)

Myra is such a charismatic, persuasive woman; I am sure she will attract many converts to
 Don't Knowism. 

Hector was so pleased to see her (even relieved, I thought)  and agreed to return with her the following morning. (she brought a spare helmet in anticipation.)

I was quite emotional as I waved them off - Hector giving a Nazi salute from the open sidecar.  Mistress Bulstrode seemed positively choked. 

She has changed the sheets on her bed, and I got an extra fish finger at supper  ( I do not think this augers well)

I will write more fully but I wanted to give you the news straight away.

George

By the way: Myra's last words to me, as she cocked her leg over the saddle, were... The future has already happened - we just haven't got there yet.
This sounds very profound but what do you think it means?

Saturday, June 09, 2012

Oh dear Georgie

Such is the financial stress being experienced by yourself - but also the whole country except politicians and bankers and the Royal Family and pop stars and footballers.

I am  existing myself upon loan from stingy government which will have to pay back when I get job after gaining degree from University of Leicester which is in Sociology.


Second year examinations are now current with me which involves the revising for which is lucky Gerda away so place nice and quiet for  the study. Also you will be understanding which is why I cannot get part-time job in say Macdonald or the Subway, because studying taking up all my time and exhausting me. But when I graduate I expect to get good job and earn large salary (though not as much as I am payed previous in Adult Movie business - never mind.)

Cannot you write another book? Perhaps what they are calling 'pot boiler' to help one over such difficult times? Books with much sex and violence do well because look at rich bitches Jacky Collins and Jilly Cooper. And just because you are not woman does not mean you cannot write similar best-selling muck.

But I think it is good idea you have for framing spool of film. It pleases me excitedly to think of us curled up tightly together, like as if twins in womb, awaiting our rebirth. (I like to use the metaphor when I can)

Anyways it is back to the study for me - with the cup of coffee.

Look forward to the reply from you

Your Anna

Friday, June 08, 2012

Our holiday snaps

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Well, Anna, I was so looking forward to sharing our holiday photos with you via the blog but alas I lack the money to have the film processed. I have, therefore, framed the spool of film.

If my fortunes should change in the near future (which I certainly hope) then I shall  get this film processed toute suite and then we may relive those wonderful moments.

Yours ever

George

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

I am unable to be asking Gerda about a promissory note for fact that she has gone to visit sister who has a shop in Soho, London. She says it is book shop what sell rare antique type book what is hard to obtain through usual publishers.

Anyways, sister need help in shop because she has to go some place for short period of time. I do not know where and Gerda say best to keep schtum. I do not like to ask what word means. Perhaps, Georgie, you will know?

I do not know this Phelps woman so look her up on internet. Sounds like cracked pot to me. 

Regarding canal boating trip, I am not sure I should like the confines of very narrow boat - even with my Georgie. But never have been on such ship only seen pictures so may be a try might be given. Unfortunately I am a bit lacking in monies oneself so this poses problems.

Your brother Hector is unsavoury man. I know this personally. He has strange demands which not altogether wholesome.On other hand who is one to be judge of such things?

Good idea you getting fit by bicycle. Weight I do not find problem but fitness is essential for active life - if you are getting one's drift!

Oh, and I speak to brother Sven by the telephone and he says tell that (there follows Swedish word which is not pleasant so will not repeat) that he can keep money what he owes me. I say you probably spent it and he call you Swedish word again. But he say he still want videos.
I say, sod off you (Swedish word again) and put phone down.


Anyway let not us dwell on such matters but rather on matters to do with two people who seek means of getting it on as you say in quaint old English language.


In anticipation


Anna



Sunday, June 03, 2012

A rainy day in suburbia

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A rainy day for the Jubilee celebrations. I have just been watching the scene by the Thames on Mistress Bulstrode's television.

Hector is still here and I have my suspicions that when you and I enjoyed our innocent weekend together my brother shared a bed with his landlady. Of course I cannot prove it and it's no use asking either of them - they would deny it. But let us say I have found certain 'evidence' which although circumstantial is pointing in that direction.

You mention a friend, Greta, who commented about people dying to make room for others. You don't mean that awful person Gerda with whom you are still unfortunately sharing a flat? No, it can't be her, she is not the type to let metaphysical questions bother her.

Well, nothing would surprise me about your brother Sven. You say he is 'going straight' now but I would not trust him. I imagine he is hatching some nefarious scheme under this cloak of respectability.

Anyway, I will pause here because I am going out to visit the new Leisure Centre which has been built in our fair city (town, really). A splendid place by all accounts and, although I very rarely swim and have not played squash for a while, I like to aquaint myself of these community ventures.

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I am back and the place is quite splendid. There are squash and badminton courts, two swimming pools, a gym and a sports hall. There is also a medical centre and a cafe. Outside there is a running track and playing fields.

I had a 'health check' on a machine for £1. According to this I should be 8ft tall for my weight!! That's an exageration but I do need to lose a few pounds. As you know, Anna, I have always kept myself in the peak of condition - it is only lately (during these stressful times) I have allowed myself to slip a bit. I am going to embark on a health kick. Well, I will start cycling again.

This machine recorded my height as 5' 4" !! Now this, as you know, is ludicrous - I would never have got into a Guards regiment had I been so short! I am almost 6' - nearly as tall as you!!

I was looking at some videos of Shirley Phelps-Roper on U Tube. Do you know her? Very attractive lady with some definite views on God. I disagreed with almost everything she said, but one has to admit that she is honest, straightforward and courageous in stating her (perhaps a little mad) views. And not lacking in charisma.

It is a dark and rainy evening her in suburbia  Oh that reminds me: Hector has been writing more of his daft poems. Here is his latest:

SUBURBIA

Suburbia, Suburbia -
It's mad - take my wordia;
Neither town nor country,
Nor back nor frontery,
To live there, to me sounds  absurdia.

Now apart from the silliness, it is, as I reminded him, somewhat insulting to his landlady who has lived in suburbia all her married (and divorced) life. Indeed, he is enjoying the benefits of a a quiet suburban life at this very moment.
He ignored me.

For our next venue how about if I hired a narrowboat for the weekend? You will have to come up with the readies because as you know I am fiscally challenged at this present time. But it would be an ideal romantic hideaway (no landlady giving you funny looks at breakfast!) You could do the cooking whilst I attended to the technical stuff. As you know, I am an experienced boatman, my handling of a sixty-footer was the talk of the canals. But I have to admit I was taught by the best.

Anyway, have a think about it.

Looking forward to our time afloat.

George

PS. Has Gerda mentioned anything about a promissory note?

Saturday, June 02, 2012

Oh Georgie - what a silly sausage person you are...  it is not an Americanism which being used by Mr Adams but well known saying, meaning of which is, you are fortunate man and may get even more fortunate if you are playing cards right (which is Swedishism) .

Yes, so sad people are dying - my friend Greta say it necessary for peoples to die to make room for more living ones. But Greta is batty cow.

I do not like funerals where they are singing mournful songs which are unknown to me. I like style of funeral what they have in New Orleans with lots of colour and music and dancing. I have not been to this place but see it on the television.

But you must not distress yourself. Rather consider how you might enjoy life... like Mr Adams say about being  in there  and so be prepared to fill your boots. (I learn this saying from bus driver Brian with whom I was once domiciled).

Yes the marriage is hazardous occupation. Do you know more murders occur in bedroom than on streets of San Francisco? - this is fact.

My brother Sven marry young. His wife leave him right after ceremony, but he is not distressed by this because he is paid monies for his act of kindness which enable this lady from Ukraine to dwell in civilised country, which is Sweden. And to also pursue career in Adult Movie industry (in which Sven prominent director - though sadly no more, as I have explained for you previously.)

Anyway, enough of this talk about dismal things like murder and marriage. I have bought several new items of clothing from excellent store which is Primark. Some of them are for wearing in bedroom!! (where there will be no murder - only fun and frolic!!) Do you note use of exclaiming marks and significance of these?


Thank you for filling me in with your doings and look forward to more of such, also with details of venue for next meeting.


Your Anna