Friday, May 31, 2013

An injustice

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Oh, now I must protest, Anna.

Our canals have undergone a transformation over the last thirty years. No longer are they clogged with stuff, as you allege. (except perhaps in certain areas of the country, which shall be nameless).

Canal cruising is now a major activity and new marinas are springing up everywhere (mainly on the banks of canals). Yes boating on our inland waterways has never been more popular.

I myself used to have a boat: 'Oscar'. Which, unfortunately I sold when fiscal problems dictated. But I have spent many a happy hour cruising (well, not so much cruising as just being) on the canals. I also met some interesting - and occasionally eccentric - folk. I include myself in both those categories.

Anyway, I can't sit here typing - I have work to do.

I shall communicate with you shortly and address some of the more trivial points you make.

George

Thursday, May 30, 2013

You stupid, pedantical Englishman. 

For what does it matter if one does THE bunk or does A bunk? This what I am asking. Especially when poor Dave may be lying in ditch somewhere or sleeping under railway bridge or yet even at bottom of stinking canal of which this country is full? Why cannot you keep clean your waterways instead of allowing the clogging with muck and debris of shopping trolley and old mattress and worse?

But this is rhetorical question at this juncture.

But also another question - which is not rhetorical - is, when where you ever the explorer? Who sleep out under stars? Because this I do not believe. Also place where cold is so severe that it freezes at 8 degrees, because this is impossible.

Anyway, I take final exam tomorrow (Friday) and if then Dave is not returned I will go search for him myself. And will not rest until he is found - whether alive or dead (which of course one hopes not dead).

So if you wish ever to see Anna again, then just be hoping she find her friend (and landlord).

Anna

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Keep calm and carry on

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Do you see the title of this post, Anna? Well that's what the British government advised us to do in the war. And it worked - at least for all those who weren't killed.

And I advise the same for you, Anna, although this is not a war - just an individual who has done a bunk. (By the way, if you intend to use a British idiom, please get it right - note that it is 'a' bunk... not 'the' bunk.

I expect Dave has just gone walkabout (that's an Australian idiom by the way - so it doesn't matter if you get it wrong!) Only joking, you Aussies out there. Great people. Not afraid of calling a spade a spade. Just have a look at this, Anna...

I don't know how authentic it is but I like it

http://www.youtube.com/embed/Pwghabw4N80?rel=0


Dave probably has friends he can stay with and, even if he hasn't, the weather is quite good for sleeping rough. (Oh, just looked out the window - it's raining). Never mind, I expect you will hear from him soon.

By the way, I was joking about the sleeping rough. I would not wish that one anyone... although, as you know, during my time as an explorer I have spent many a night under the stars (occasionally in a tent). And I have been in places where it is so cold that it freezes at 8 degrees Celsius.

I know that you have a heart as big as all outdoors but you do need to concentrate upon your exam preparation.

Till we can be reunited

I am

Your George


Sunday, May 26, 2013

Oh Georgie, I have dreadful news to impart to you.

Dave has done the bunk. He has disappeared from his home and I am fearful for his safety.

Two days has he been gone and I would contact Police Force (British Police best in the world - the buggers) but cannot be having them asking too many questions about oneself. If you see what I am meaning.

He has been very down as I tell you, and I have not been able to be devoting of myself the time to cheer him up like I would usually, because of all the studying which I am currently undertaking.

He is not taking suitcase with him because this I have checked. Nor has he written the suicide note.

Sudden thought has occurred to me. Has he become very despondent because I suggest to him the Air Force may not want him as aeroplane pilot? Is perhaps this is all my fault to blame?

Please tell me what you think Georgie.

In some distress

Anna

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Getting your life back on track?

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How often do you hear people talk about 'getting their life back on track.'?

But that's daft. Your life is never off track - how can it be?

You go along from day to day laying down your own track, like in the old days of the 'Wild West' when the locomotive used to carry track with it and lay it ahead, section by section. And that is how they pushed out into unknown territory. And that is what we do, Anna.

What happened when we weren't looking?

Streaky sunlight through
unwashed windows -
unfinished crosswords in 
yellowing newspapers, strewn
across a boarded floor.

An old iron bedstead
quietly rusting, its naked springs
bent and twisted, 
a work of art.

Torn wallpaper,
a damp patch by the window,
scratched blue lino, and
a cracked washstand -
hair in the plughole -
a bare bulb, hanging from
a frayed flex.

Is this the room?
The room where it happened?
A lifetime ago?

And are there ghosts?
Hanging around in the stubborn silence?
Can you feel them?
Can you sense them?
Something,
Anything, to reassure me that
things live on, somewhere.

But there's nothing -
Just emptiness.

--------------------------------
A sombre poem perhaps, but we can't always be enjoying ourselves, can we? Where would the world be if everyone  went about enjoying themselves?

I think we have become a bit too hedonistic. It all started when they began making shirts which buttoned all the way up the front. Manly shirts used only to have two or three buttons at the neck. You had to pull them over your head. That was a proper shirt.

Trainers. That's another thing that's led us on the downward path. I mean why do so many people wear trainers when they're not training for anything? I blame Paul McCartney. He's always wearing them. I bet he wears them with a dinner suit. What kind of role model is that?

Ties. Nobody wears them now - except certain women 'celebs'. Yes, I know the word is 'celebrity' but it gets shortened. Like many other words. And it's not just Liverpudlians that do it (although they probably started it - Paul Mc. again - and his Beatle friends. And that's something else... should it not be 'Beetles'? Or were they trying to be clever, with 'Beat'? But what about the 'le'. Is that a touch of French? Le Beat? Who knows? Who cares?

Anyway, I can't sit here all night, Anna. I am off out. To see a group called The Vigilantes. They played at The Cavern as a supporting group to the aforementioned Beatles and many other famous sixties groups. I'll give them the once-over.

Undying Love

George

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Major Retrospective

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You may remember, Anna, that I was due to mount a Major Retrospective of my photographic work. Unfortunately this had to be cancelled because the Assembly Rooms are being used as a 'Food Bank'.

This has given me time to go through my archives and here is a photograph I had forgotten about. It was taken ten years or so ago.
The power station is still there but the figure has disappeared.



I call this 'The essential dichotomy of the relationship twixt Man and Nature in an Industrialised Society.'

(alternative title 'Big Bloke with Power Station')

Friday, May 17, 2013

You are thinking perhaps, Georgie, that I do not know of William Blake but I do. One of your England greatest writers and poets whom I like very much because of wise things he say.

For example, he says : The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. 

This have I found to be so true. For whom has travelled up road of excess more than your Anna? And now she has reached palace of wisdom, which is university.

Also Mr Blake was highly spiritual man (not religious, I think, because  he talk about church being cold but ale-house being warm).
And I am thinking that you, Georgie may be spiritual but not religious, with your talk of Christianity (also you spend more time in ale-house than in church - which you never visit)

Dave says to me it is necessary to have sense of humour in these troubled times - in fact in any times - so he does not mind your silly joke. Also he is thinking of joining your Royal Air Force and learning to fly aeroplane.

I say to him - are you not too old for all of this? And he get annoyed with me and say - I am not at all old, being not yet forty years. And  I say to him - yes, and how long do you think it take for them to teach you fly aeroplane? For this is not like having a few driving lessons then passing car test. Learning to fly fast jet type plane takes long time, maybe months or perhaps years, and then these air force people want to get something back for all their investment in time and money to teach you so they will think carefully about taking on the more mature person, for the very reason I am saying.

Dave gets then into one of his sulks. But I ignore and carry on with studying. I will finish all examinations in the mid June.

But I think you are not in good mental place at this time. Is this so?
Or maybe not in good emotional place. What is difference, I say. None. So is essential one gets arse in gear for what I have in mind for you come the end of month June.

Poem about Leeds is silly.

Your Anna






Monday, May 13, 2013

Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained

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Well, that let's you and me off the hook, Anna.


But seriously - I agree with William Blake.

We are as we are. And if people don't like it then it's up to them to try and change us.

The logic of Christianity

I was thinking the other day... you don't normally associate Christianity with Logic. But consider this -

Your genes (which you inherit) combine with your environment (everything that has happened to you since you were born) to create the person you are today. So, surely it is logical to accept and forgive - and (perhaps) even to love - everyone. Which is what I understand to be Christ's teachings.

Of course that does not mean you should stand in the path of a charging rhino (I was going to say that does not mean you should let everybody shit on you - but it sounded rather coarse).

Punishment - in a moral sense - is meaningless. Of course you may have to restrain someone - lock them up - who is clearly a danger to others. But it should be done without moral outrage. (Don't go baying for blood and banging on the doors of prison vans) Of course we must forgive the idiots who do that - they cannot help being idiots - but we should also help them to see the error of their ways.

Or to put it another way: Don't call someone a twat. Rather, gently point out to them their twattish behaviour. This may help them to change.

And don't forget yourself. You're not perfect (sorry Anna - I mean one is not perfect) so it may indeed be useful to 'cast out the beam in one's own eye so as to see better the mote in someone else's.'

But this is so difficult, what with all the daft buggers one has to contend with. Still, I suppose one must try.


Anyway...to change the subject. Surely Dave can appreciate my little jest!
I myself have been unemployed - though not for long - and I know how it feels.

And the jokes I made about you, Anna, were in the best possible taste. (and I haven't finished making them).

I am so glad you are doing well in your exams. And there is much about Sweden that appeals to me - as I have noted before in this column. It is just that I need to sort myself out first. Anyway, I don't think Dave would like Sweden - you have told me how he can't stand the cold - even in this country.

When will you have completely finished your exams?

I will leave you with this short poem:

The appetite grows
Upon that which it feeds -
That's why I've taken
A small flat in Leeds.

For it's true, as they say -
Every man has his needs -
And what better place to have them met,
Than Leeds.

Your George

Wednesday, May 08, 2013



Such a stupid joke you are making about Dave when poor man has lost job. I am  surprised at lack of feeling also bad taste. But when coming to think of it you used to make stupid jokes about Anna and also in bad taste.

 This was in old days when I am just au pair. These days are over and I am now academic.
And though I am thanking you for tip about reading all through exam paper before doing any question, this I already know.

Also my first examination was undertaken on Friday. I think I have done very well in this. So tonight I say to Dave – Come, no longer must you wallow in the dulldrums, but instead put on your nice new sport jacket and accompany Anna to the public house. And I am taking NO for an answer no more. For we must celebrate success in my first exam.

I am hoping new medication which doctor prescribe for you will help you think not so much of death. Anyways, we in Sweden have much more lightened way of dealing with problem, nor are we punishing people like in this country. Dignity of person is most important to us. This is why suicide rate is so high in my country –  is not because Sweden is unhappy place but  because people are free to make own choice in regard to ending life, knowing they will not be punished nor yet stigmated for so doing.

And how many times do I ask you to come over to live in my fine country?  Brother Sven and I will… how you say… sponsor you. And will say you are upright citizen and all of that, but also keep quiet about certain other matters.
Anyways, if you do not wish to come I will find myself someone who would love to come and who perhaps does not live a million kilometres from here!!

Oh, here come Dave, all dressed up in sport jacket and what is more has had shave… and put on powerful après ski which would turn young girl’s head – or even slightly older girl.

So must go

Your ever loving (but getting impatient)

 Anna

Friday, May 03, 2013

Ain't Life a bloody funny game!

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That’s the last line of my poem: A Pastoral Pastiche. I thought of it today because it occurred to me that perhaps Death is an even funnier game.


Death… or as my friend called it ‘The great disappearing trick’…. Now you see him now you don’t.
Bloody hell…where’d he go?

We talk a lot about the meaning of life… what about the meaning of Death? Perhaps, like life, death has no meaning. 

Death stalks you like a hit-man. You know he’s out there somewhere but you never know when he's going to strike; or where; or how.

Will it be quick and relatively painless? Or will it be slow, lingering,  agonizing?. Or will it be the mind that goes first?  A disintegration of personality and self until, finally, there is hardly anything left of the person they called ‘You’. 

Yes, the hit-man has all the choices. Unless...

You take control!

You may not be able to win, but you can decide how you’re going to lose.
In a way, you can get one up on death. No more the Hit-Man sneaking up on you, taking you unawares.

You can  at least exercise some choice of route into the great unknown


 You decide the Time, Venue and Method.


This requires courage. Taking your own life used to be a criminal offence. It isn't now but it is a criminal offence to assist someone to take their own life. (only the British could come up with this legal nicety). The medical profession doesn't like it; it’s considered ‘not playing the game’. And the final approbation comes from religion, the organisation that is supposed to be understanding, compassionate, loving: taking control is a mortal sin.

I am not advocating suicide - far from it.

There is so much to live for - and while there's life there's hope.

I'm just making the observation that some people (for whatever reason) decide to take matters into their own hands. They didn't have a say as to when they were going to enter this world, but they want to decide when they are going to leave it.



Sorry to hear about Dave. 
I suppose you could say that in the Employment Race, Dave is no longer in Pole Position.

I saw the doctor on Monday. He prescribed some different medication. When I read the leaflet the possible side effects (are these what the medics call 'contra indications'?) (covered just about everything apart from 'might make you a bit dead'.

I wrote this poem:


Possible side effects

Do your ‘Happy Pills’ have contra-indications?
Does your tongue look like the flags of all the nations?
Do you have the squits, or are you constipated?
With a bowel that feels like it’s armour-plated?

Does a wild wind whistle through your pipes and plumbing?
Do you never know just when the next fart’s coming?
Are you sensitive to light – or dread the dark?
Do you feel you’re being followed in the park?

Are you always tired, and often short of breath?
Are you troubled by persistent thoughts of death?
Would you say that you have gone off having sex?
Do you start – then can’t remember what comes next?

Do you find that certain parts begin to twitch?
While others are inflamed, and don’t half itch?
Is your vision slightly blurred around the edges?
Do you throw up every time you eat your veggies?

Are you tired and sort of listless in the morning?
Do your kneecaps start to tremble without warning?
Do you sometimes find it difficult to pee?
And when you do, is it the colour of stewed tea?

Do you get a stabbing pain behind the eyes?
Is that a nasty rash between your thighs?
Has some sticky stuff been coming down your nose?
And burning holes in all your nice new clothes?

 Does the room spin when you get into your bed?
Is there a constant buzzing in your head?
Does your heart begin to race – or go real slow?
Do you shiver if a breeze begins to blow?

These symptoms will, quite quickly, disappear,
Perhaps within six months – at most a year!
And remember – it’s a smallish price to pay,
To get you through the long and lonely day.

Anyway, I must go now Anna, the world needs attending to.

At tip for your exams: Read through the entire paper before attempting any questions.

Until we meet

George