You will notice I never mentioned psychiatrists! A bit too near home. In more ways than one!

I know I am being a bit free with the old exclamation mark, but I think I have good cause. Here I am locked up in a mental hospital and have fathered a child with my psychiatrist. Well, she says it is mine, and I must admit little Georgette is the spitting image of yours truly.

I have also entrusted power of attorney to our one time au pair, and my (short time) lover. I couldn’t transfer it to Amanda (aforesaid psychiatrist and mother of my child) because she said it would be unethical.
I said to her, well, isn’t it unethical to shag your patient? She said, yes but what is done is done – you can’t put the toothpaste back into the tube. I must say I found the metaphor rather inappropriate under the circumstances.

Sydney is peeved because I have not appointed him my legal executor. But the boy is a fool, he really is. I couldn’t trust him to manage my affairs.

I will let you into a secret: I don’t trust Anastasia, either. But she can get me out of here, and I fancy a short sojourn is Stockholm; they tell me Sweden is beautiful this time of year.

I would not like you to think I am running away from my responsibilities towards my offspring – not a bit of it. I intend to come back and do the decent thing. But I need a holiday – a short break to recharge my batteries, so to speak.

And old Freddie Foggatty (top dog around here) will be happy to let me go, into the custody of a ‘responsible person’. Of course Anastasia isn’t a responsible person – Freddie knows that as well as I. But he thinks if he gets rid of me he will have his sister all to himself again. Little does he know my ultimate intention!

As a sop to Sydney, I have offered to take him with me to Stockholm – for a holiday. Told him it might do him a bit of good. Now I know what you are thinking: I am courting disaster, putting him in close proximity to the Swedish tart. Trust me – I know what I’m doing!