A talent spurned

I have been dumped by my publisher. After a 25 years, mutually beneficial relationship Blaggard Books Inc., Illinois have given me the elbow. And they did not have the courtesy to write and tell me. No, I had to cross the Atlantic to be humiliated in person by that upstart Vice President, Woodie Peterson. He did not even invite me into his inner-sanctum; he kept me standing in the outer office so everyone could hear what was going on.

He greeted me with his usual fake bonhomie, “Hi George baby, how’ya doin’ fella”
(I have left out the question mark because, of course, he didn’t really want to know). He quickly got to the point. “See Georgie, the bottom’s dropped out of the goddamn ‘self-help’ book thing. Sure, you done some good titles in the past.” He consulted a slip of paper. ‘Book your ticket on the astral plane’, ‘How to change your wife’, ‘Meditate your way out of Bi-Polar’, ‘Schizophrenia: stepping stone to success’, ‘Ten tips to reverse Severe Personality Disorder’, oh, and my favourite ‘Now, and Zen’. All winners, Georgie. Gotta admit it. But ya see it’s all Kids stuff now – ‘Harry Potter’ an’ that. Personally, I think it’s crap, but it sells. And that’s the bottom line, fella.”

He went on talking like this, his arm around my shoulder, gradually steering me between the desks. I suddenly found myself at the door. “Well, thanks for all you’ve done pal.” And I was out in the corridor. I felt like crying.

What am I going to do now? Not only has my source of income dried up, but writing for me is a way of life. And at my age I am not going traipsing round publishers, cap in hand. I’ve never had an agent and am not going looking for one now.

So you can understand that I am feeling a bit down. I tried reading one of my books, “Cleaning the spectacles of your mind” - after two pages I threw it across the room, just as the Swedish tart came through the door. It caught her a glancing blow on the side of her blond head. She screamed at me in Spanish. I was too depressed to reply.

By the way, I was right: they had been bathing naked. I am going to get that pool drained.