Back in Blighty

Syd met me at the airport and hit me with the news that his girlfriend, old thingy, is pregnant. at least that is what she's told him. He said 'Of course I am going to do the honourable thing.'
'You mean emigrate!' I expostulated.
'No, get married' he replied.
He is so naive, my son. God, I have tried. If he hasn't learned from me and the lesbian... I mean, what can a father do?

I don't know - I really don't. All I want is for people to be happy. And yet I seem to be surrounded buy emotional mayhem. Is it my fault? The trouble with me is that I can see everyone's point of view - except my own. Perhaps the Swedish tart is right, and I should go into therapy.

Speaking of whom, her and the lesbian were out when I got back. Syd says they have gone to join some protest about the proposed opening of a 'Sex Shop' in Evesham. Well, there's hypocrisy for you. You should see what the lesbian keeps in her top drawer -I never knew such things existed, and I can only guess their intended purpose.

There was a message from Carol on the answerphone: old Gary is back inside... and would I like to call round. No thank you. I'm not up for any more of that. Besides, her at the 'Jolly Pervert' has become quite friendly again. (You remember how she threw a wobbler when I refused to cart the lager kegs up from the cellar) She wants me to captain the quiz team again. She has me down for an intellectual - well I suppose I am really.
Some people say I think too much - and they may be right. Perhaps I should be more like Bishop Mahon in Ted Simon's 'Jupiter's Travels':

"I've given up thinking... I never did very much of it and now I don't bother at all. Just get on with it. Let the future take care of itself."

You sure spat a bootful there, Bish.

I bought a present for old Lady Longlegs: a basque - in red. I didn't get anything for the lesbian. Everything I have ever bought her, over the years, she has exchanged for something else. Ind the end I got everything from Marks and Spencer. They will always change stuff, even if you have lost the receipt.

Well, it's me for a hot bath, and then down the 'Pervert'

I do wish Syd would stop mopsing about the house; he's getting on my nerves.