Dig this

How old were you when your mother threatened to smother you with the pillow?
Seven or eight, I guess.
Tell me about it.
Well I couldn’t get to sleep, and I think I must called downstairs – a couple of times, maybe… I had also been down for a drink of water… I just couldn’t get to sleep.
This worried you – not being able to sleep?
Well I was afraid I would not be able to do my school work the next day. I used to get panicky about that.
What happened next?
I heard my mother coming upstairs. Her feet were stamping on the stairs.
And then?
She came into the bedroom. She was very upset.
Upset?
Well, angry..
What did she do?
She picked up a pillow from somewhere. She came over to my bed with the pillow raised in front of her – she was shouting.
What?
If you don’t go to sleep I’ll smother you!
That must have been frightening.
I was terrified. I knew I had done wrong.
Done wrong?
Upsetting my mum like that… she had a lot of worries… my dad being away, and all that.
What did she do?
I don’t remember…
You don’t’ remember?
Well I mean obviously she did not smother me… but… I just remember seeing this big pillow… raised above me.
How does it feel now… talking about it?
My stomach… it’s there in my stomach… that feeling…
Can you describe the feeling?
Fear, dread… and a strange, horrible excitement…


Dr Amanda stood up, and came over and took my hand. It was only then that I realised I was trembling.