Interview

ST BOTOLPH

Hospital Trust


Form 2/547b – Interview/Transcript

DATE – 23rd Nov. 2005

DOCTOR - Singh R. W.

PATIENT – Turner G.


Dr. Singh Good morning Mr Turner, and how are we today?
Turner Well, I don’t know about you, but I am feeling pretty pissed off.
Dr Pissed Off?
GT Oh come on doc – not the ‘reflecting back’ bit, please. Remember
I’m in the trade too.
Dr Ok. Why are you feeling pissed off?
GT You know why.
Dr You tell me.
GT Because I’m locked up in here. There’s nothing wrong with me and I
want to go home.
Dr And you will go home – all in good time. But as for there being
nothing wrong…
GT Ok. So I was thinking of jumping off a bridge – I changed my mind. I
AM NOT MAD.
Dr No one said you were, Mr Turner.
GT Then why am I being kept in here – against my will?
Dr We want to help you.
GT And how do you think you can do that?
Dr We think you may be suffering from depression.
GT The old faithful, eh. And would that be reactive or endogenous
depression? Does it ever strike you psychiatrists that someone might have good cause to be ‘depressed’ as you call it? How about this for a diagnosis: ‘clinically pissed off’.
Dr You sound angry.
GT Of course I’m angry.
Dr Who are you angry with, George?
GT I am angry with you, with Foggatty, with myself, but most of all
doctor, I am angry with LIFE.
Dr With Life?
GT You’re doing it again! Yes, angry with the whole cold, meaningless
cruelty of the universe. We humans delude ourselves in trying to find
some purpose to life. There is none – except to obey the ‘selfish
gene’: blindly procreate and so ensure the continuance of the species.
Then we die and others take out place, and so the mindless farce
continues. We are cannon fodder for nature.
Dr But what about the good things of life: beauty, joy, love?
GT Oh sure. But they are far outweighed by ugliness, misery, hate;
not to mention the pain: mental as well as physical. Just look around
you, doctor.
Dr Are you taking your medication?
GT Oh yes. Greta sees to that. I wouldn’t want to argue with that one.
Dr I believe your wife has been to see you?
GT The lesbian? Yes – and do me a favour: don’t let her in next time.
Dr That is up to Dr Foggatty – anyway, you have another visitor.
GT Don’t tell me it’s the Swedish tart.
Dr I’m sorry?
GT Our ex au pair.
Dr Oh, no – it is one of the policemen who pulled you out of the river:
P.C. Beckett.
GT Oh, not the ‘Born Again’ Sam! Tell him I’m having insulin shock
treatment.
Dr He says there are some questions he needs to ask you.
GT He’s trying to convert me, you know.
Dr Mr Turner, he is a policeman.
GT Well, he’s not here on police business, I can tell you that… he’s
here on behalf of the Chief Superintendent in the sky.
Dr Is there anything you’d like to ask me before I go?
GT Yes: what was happening before the Big Bang?
Dr I am making some slight alterations to your medication – nurse
Kawalski will talk to you about it.
GT So no ECT yet?
Dr We use ECT only as a last resort.
GT That sounds like a threat. Play ball – or else.
[silence]
Now I suppose you will add ‘incipient paranoia’ to my diagnosis.
Dr Is there anything else you’d like to ask me?
GT No
Dr Well, then, Good Day Mr Turner. I shall see you again later in the
week.


Interview terminated – 10.45am.