Letter from my son

Dear George (I cannot bring myself to call you father, even after the result of the
DNA test)

I was horrified when mummy told me that you had been incarcerated in a lunatic asylum. We have never got on very well but I had no idea you were so mentally unbalanced. I am sorry.

Have you made a will?

On a personal note: Could you please sign the enclosed document which will add me to the insurance policy, so that I can drive your car while you are ‘inside’, so to speak.

What’s the food like in there? I imagine you are missing Anthea’s dumplings down the Jolly Pervert.

I would come to see you but Charlene is now 6 months pregnant and needs me by her side. You will be a granddad soon; that is if you don’t top yourself - your decision of course; we won’t feel that you are being selfish or anything.

A word of warning. Anastasia is continuing posting to that awful blog thing. You know the one ‘Sisters under the Duvet’ – the web address is www.brokeneenglish.blogspot.com. I am only telling you this because I have just looked at it, and I think you might have a good case for libel.

Chin up! - as the hangman said to the condemned man.

Sydney