Getting down to it

Why do they call it a BLOW-job? A misnomer if ever there was.

Amanda says that’s part of my trouble: too much attention to detail. She’s even hinted that I might be anal-retentive. What a cheek! But it wasn’t so much that as the other stuff she said, out there in the woods.

She began by asking me if I was familiar with Melanie Klein and the Kleinians…

- I certainly am; greatest rock band to come out of Austria. I never miss one of their concerts.
- Oh very amusing.
- Well of course I know about Kleinian theory: Object Relations and all that stuff.
- There’s more to it that that.
- Okay: It’s about how we deceive ourselves as to our desires, intentions, beliefs and how these create conflicts between our expressed goals and our actions.
- That’s a textbook definition.
- I got it from a textbook.
- Also it defines psychodynamic therapy in general. It does not say much about a Kleinian approach.
- Okay, you tell me then.
- I would like you to consider a possibility: All the women you have had relationships with – you didn’t really want to fuck them, did you?
- I don’t know what you mean.
- Oh I am not saying you didn’t enjoy it, in some sense, despite the heavy burden of sin and guilt. But what I AM saying is that it was not the primary motive in starting the affair, relationship, call it what you like.
- So what was then?
- Georgina, Anastasia, Carol and all the rest – and yes, even me, are all… how can I put this… opportunities, challenges.
- For what?
- For 'getting it right'. For getting ‘right’ your relationship with your mother all those years ago. A relationship you could never get right and never CAN get right. You know this deep down but you cannot accept it. So you keep trying. That is why your relationships all end the way they do.
- You mean I see you as my mother?
- No, I do not mean that, and you are smart enough to know it. So stop playing games.
- Ouch!
- That’s better. Until you confront and admit the reality you will never move forward. You know that intellectually , after all you are ‘in the trade’, as you keep telling us. But you’ve got to know it in your body – in your very being. And that is what tonight is all about. Unorthodox yes. But who gives a shit about orthodoxy.

I couldn’t think of anything to say after that, and in any case we had arrived back at the hospital. But before I got out of the car she said something rather strange. She said ‘George, despite all your "experience" you really don’t know an awful lot about women.’
Well, as you can imagine, I was flabbergasted.
‘But’ she went on ‘I like you and I think you are worth the effort, so we are going to continue with the therapy.’
I was thinking, well you arrogant bitch, but before I could say anything she pressed a piece of paper into my hand. ‘Next time you’re on the internet have a look at this website’ she said.
I’ve got the paper in front of me now – www.goodgirlzoot@blogspot.com
Well if she thinks I’m going to look at some feminist propaganda she’s got another think coming.
I’ll keep it for now though – just in case I change my mind.