Sin and Amanda

“He wasn’t good at forgiving himself, even for things he’d never done”

(The ‘SAS’ vicar – Frank Collins)

I used to think I was ‘steeped in sin’ – I think I must have heard the phrase before, somewhere. Sin and guilt: two feelings that keep the psychiatrists in business the world over. I don’t think they are really feelings; feelings are raw, primal, basic things. Sin and guilt are learned concepts. Where do we learn them? In the family, at school, in church. (When I was about eleven and attending ‘confirmation classes’, we were told by the unmarried vicar that masturbation was a sin – in fact, come to think about it, he called it self abuse)
I may have mentioned that I have a friend who is a Christian but is not very happy with ‘Organised Religion’.

Okay – what about DISorganised Religion!
Here are a few basic tenets:
We don’t know WHAT we believe in - but we believe in SOMETHING.
We worship at the altar of doubt.
Our God is not a jealous God.
We do not smite anybody.
We do not have a duty to convert – or kill – non-believers.
Tolerance and respect are more important than certainty.
We are allowed to wear brown boots at a funeral.

(I am going to ask the rest of the ward for suggestions)

Amanda opens the wardrobe door and produces a bottle of gin and two glasses. I am not sure I should be doing this.

- What, having a drink with your psychiatrist?
- You know what I mean: being here, with you, in this room.
- You seemed happy enough to be in my consulting room.
- Yes, but you know… this is your BEDroom.
- No, it is my overnight duty room – does the bed bother you?
- Well…
- Consider this therapy.
- Therapy… how do you mean?
- I am helping you with your ‘sin and guilt’ complex – on a practical level. You are a therapist (or were) you know all about CBT… exposure and response prevention?
- Well yes, but…
- You have a problem with sex – no, don’t interrupt. Despite all your affairs and philandering you have a real problem: sin and guilt. Every time you have sex you feel that you have ‘sinned’ – I mean at really deep level. And along with this sin comes guilt. Oh yes, you have sex but you always feel guilty afterwards. And you know why?
- Because if I feel guilty I am somehow protecting myself …
- Against what?
- Punishment, I guess.
- So you punish yourself in order to escape some higher punishment?
- I’ve never thought of it like that, but yes I suppose I do.
- So you are afraid to be happy – because you associate being happy with some kind of punishment. I wonder what really happened to poor five year old George… way back there?
- I don’t know.
- I do – or at least I have a good idea.
- (silence)
- You see sex (at a really deep level) as some kind of sin. But it is a basic need – like food. Tell me this: if you were hungry would you consider it a sin to have a good meal?
- No, of course not.
- Well right now I’m fuckin’ starving - so finish your gin and lets tuck in.