On the ice

Yesterday, I went to visit my auntie: the one in Sheffield. She wasn’t in. So I came back. But before I came back I called at the excellent ice rink they have in that city of steel.

I always keep my skates in the car, and I wanted to see if I could still perform a double axel.

Now, for those of you who don’t know their arse from their axel, this is a forward jump, invented by the Norwegian speed skater, Axel Greise. You take off from the front outside edge of the right skate, execute two and a half spins and land on the rear outside edge of the left skate.

But I felt a cold coming on, so I decided against it. Instead I contented myself with several brisk laps of the rink and a few simple jumps and spins.

Of course I am no longer eligible for Olympic selection since (ill advisedly) taking part in that professional ice show at the Alhambra in 2004. I thought that, because it was for charity, my amateur status would not be jeopardised. Not so.

That’s what’s wrong with this country: hidebound with creaking tradition… ‘Gentlemen and Players’. All that nonsense. I tell you, we are still mired in a class system that dates from William to so-called conqueror.

You know, come to think of it, I would probably fare better in the States.
There you get ahead on merit, and merit alone. As Paul Getty said, “It does not matter if you wear a Roman toga instead of a business suit, and drink yak’s milk instead of martini -Ability is a calling card no man dare refuse.” Well it was something like that.
And anyone can become president. You don’t have to have been to Eton or Harrow; Yale or Harvard will do just fine.

Why they even had a ‘B’ movie actor as president! Now who, in their right minds, could see Hugh Grant becoming prime minister?

Oh, and you don’t have to speak with a plum in your mouth; just listen to Mr Bush – surely one of the greatest war leaders of the 20th century, on a par with Churchill.


When I got back I found Norah on the croquet lawn with a tall languid blonde who looked vaguely familiar. My heart skipped a beat.



Note to Mr Adams. Thank you for your comment, which, although a trifle insensitive, did let me know that my words are reaching the Americas.

Incidentally, I got quite a shock when I logged on to ‘sparrow chat’ and found the notice saying you had moved. At first I thought that you had been lifted by the CIA, and were currently blogging in orange overalls.

I don’t really understand why the U.S.A. has a prison in Cuba. Is it some sort of reciprocal arrangement? And does Cuba have a similar penal establishment in the States? Somewhere in Texas, maybe?

As someone with his ear to the political grindstone, I am sure you would know the answer to that one.

Re your comment about the ‘word recognition’. Do you mean those funny bendy letters you have to copy when you make a comment? They just appeared on my blog so I left them there.
I would, though, like some advice as to what I might do about my missing ‘counter’.