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A grey area
Beyond despair.... Apathy
Where it just isn't worth the effort of getting depressed
Suicide? What's the point?
As Peggy Lee sang, "I'm just not ready for that final disappointment"
At least when you are depressed, there is hope... you don't want to be like this
you realise something is wrong
But what if you moved beyond... so you just didn't care that there was something wrong?
And you just said - So what?
I once had a boat. It was a canal boat - this boat that I had.
At one spot along the canal an abandoned, semi derelict boat was moored
It appeared to have once been occupied by 'hippies'. When you looked through the windows you could see a tangle of bedding, beer cans, a couple of dirty plates and other domestic debris
The name of this boat was "So What"
Then one day when I passed the spot the boat was gone - the men from British Waterways had towed it away. I felt sad
I never saw the boat again. But forever after I called that spot on the canal "So What"
Is the ultimate "Letting go", the letting go of your despair?
But the thought that nothing matters is scary
But wait
If nothing matters then everything matters
how you tie your shoelaces
peel an orange
sweep the floor
blow your nose
Perhaps if you can be afraid - but still let go
you will not fall off the edge of the earth
into insanity
you may find another land
another you
Anyway, you can't put the skin back on a banana
Saturday, June 26, 2010
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2 comments:
Dear George,
Most people have been to that "grey area" regardless of how confident and together they seem. I love your concept of "nothing" mattering making "everything" matter. It reminds me of how closely intertwined opposites are: love-hate, joy-pain, hope-despair...just different sides of the same coin. I guess what keeps us alive is HOPE. We hope that there can be change...And change needn't be grand, you know. Infact, real change is rather subtle.
Like this:
"Chapter 1.
I walk down a street and there's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. It takes forever to get out. It's my fault.
Chapter 2.
I walk down the same street. I fall in the hole again. It still takes a long time to get out. It's not my fault.
Chapter 3.
I walk down the same street. I fall in the hole again. It's becoming a habit. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
Chapter 4.
I walk down the same street and see the deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
Chapter 5.
I walk down a different street."
Anna, what do you think?
Take care,
George
Try to get out off that dangerous place. First, for yourself.
Dear Purple Cow,
Your words mean a lot to me; they always do - more than I can tell you. And it's not just the words.
Distance and closeness have nothing to do with physical proximity.
You take care, too.
PS. I'll get the map out and look for another street:)
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