Saturday

I lay in bed this morning, running the projector in my head: highlights from the film of my life. Only they weren't highlights - they were more like lowlights: the missed goal; the lost opportunity; the thoughtless remark that brought tears; the misunderstandings; the petty jealousies; the imagined slight; the silly anxieties that don't even qualify as fears; the tragi-comedy of relationships that worked for a bit, then ran out of steam; the dreams that didn't happen.
And I thought - why bother? I saw, as if from way above, us humans, running around like so many ants in our own little ant-hill; thinking that what we do has purpose, meaning. When all the time we are just following a 'computer-programme', hard wired into our genes.
Then it occurred to me that perhaps I was just depressed. But does what we call 'being depressed' simply mean that a veil has been lifted, and the so- called 'depressive' is seeing things more clearly?

As I pondered this, I heard the Swedish tart doing her yoga on my ceiling. And I thought - Sod it! I am still alive. This is a new morning. Carpe Diem - seize the day.