I LOVE A PARADE

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I saw Freddie this morning and told him that if he did not allow you to visit I would do a runner. He said that I was fragile and vulnerable at the moment but that you could visit me. The only stipulation is that you give 48 hours notice. Perhaps you could find out when Brian has his day off and ask him to give you a lift? Anyway, let me know. I am excited but a little bit nervous.

So in celebration I have posted this picture. It is one I took some time ago in the city of Liverpool. (Although I no longer have the camera, I brought with me 5 of those SD card things with loads of images.) I include it also in the hope that it will lift my mood - my mood is pretty heavy and probably requires a large crane to lift it. Nevertheless, let us press on.

I try to remember some Buddhist sayings (I used to know a lot) because I think there is much good stuff in Buddhism. I don't go along with all of it; it is a case of taking what you find useful and leaving the rest. I wonder though, why the Buddha is always depicted as a fat bald bloke. Okay, perhaps not even a very wise man can fight hair loss, but if he was so enlightened would he not be alert to the dangers of obesity and a sedentary life style? I mean, what kind of role model is that for today's teenagers? Still, he looks happy enough. Wasn't it Shakespeare's Caesar who said "Let me have men about me that are fat;" Of course some men prefer to have fat women about them - I think they may be called "chubby chasers". But I am rambling again.

As I sit here tonight in a room with drawn curtains, I ponder upon Life. (yes, I know, I think too much. Can't help it). Did you see "Chicago", Anna? Billy Flynn the lawyer said something about life being a circus. I'm with you there, Bill. Some of us are brave lion-tamers or heroes of the high-wire; others are beautiful girls pirouetting on the head of an elephant or riding bareback on some noble steed. And what about the daredevil "man on the flying trapeze."? And then there are the clowns, capering around the edge of the ring in our grotesque make-up, tripping and falling, trying to make people laugh - and frightening small children. Of course we are only there to provide a diversion while they change the ring for the next act.
We no longer have 'freak shows': the bearded lady; the Siamese Twins; the midgets and the giants We hide them all away now. Except for the 'Unusual Bodies' type programmes on Channel Four, where you can get away with it under the 'medical science' label. Is that progress?

You know what Freddie asked me this morning, Anna? He said 'What do you really want, George.' He's always springing these trick questions on me. So I said 'I want to be understood... no, that's too much to ask of anyone... I want to be listened to.' Then I though for a bit and I said 'No, it's more than that - I want to be heard.. Yes, that's it: I want to be heard.

We had chicken pie for dinner. Followed by rice-pudding. I like a spoonful of jam in my rice-pudding. They know this. And yet I always have to ask for it. That's not right, is it?

Now you know how I want to get away from this preoccupation with death. Well, I was doing fine until Clive handed me another of his poems:

If they have the technology in place
I want to be shot into space -
I mean when I die -
Up there in the sky,
With a cheeky grin on my face.

I'll orbit the earth,
Give cause for great mirth,
And once every year
Crowds will gather and cheer,
And shout: Here comes Dave!
Let's give him a wave.

Just you wait and see,
They won't forget ME.

I said 'But your name's not Dave - it's Clive.'
He said 'Don't be so bloody pedantic, man. And, for your information, my middle name is David.'
I don't believe him, but I didn't say anything.

I've just remembered something else I could have said to Freddie in response to his question. I could have said 'I want to know who I really am.' Yes, I'll hit him with that one, next time.

It is nine in the morning, Anna, and I am going down for breakfast. I usually have cornflakes, with a banana and nuts (wallnuts, to be precise), followed by an apple. Sometimes they run out of apples, which is pure negligence, in my opinion.

Let me know when you are coming.(48 hours notice please - just to pacify Freddie).

I can't wait.

Your soon to be lover

George