Calls may be recorded for training purposes

‘Allo – is that you Georgie?’
‘Yes, it’s me Anastasia. What do you want? I’m surprised you have the nerve to phone me after what you did.’
‘Well, that is for why I am telephoning, Georgie. I am so sorry for the debunkle of that weekend. But it is that horrible wife of yours you should be venting your angrification on and no mistakes’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘It was she, that devil incarcerated – she made me do it Georgie. And that is the honesty, which is being the best policy and all that.’
‘Oh, come off it. She didn’t make you bend over me and wiggle your assets in my face.’
‘Ah, but that is where you are being wrong. She is threatening me with exposure to the officials on account of my illegality in your country – my lacking of the work permit – if I am not going along with her wicked schemings.’
‘I don’t believe you.’
‘Oh but yes, it is the truth I am telling you. And you should be thanking your lucky stars your little Anastasia did not go along with the rest of the plan that evil bitch had worked up for you.’
‘I don’t wish to know.’
‘All right, so I am not to be telling you. Let it be sufficient to announce that it involved a can of that squirty cream you are always having for your tea times in England, and some tinned strawberries – PLUS a bicycle pump!’
‘Good God!’
‘Yes, you may well be invoking the name of the almighty, Georgie. But I stood on my principles – especially when she was wanting the video of the degrading spectacles.’
‘Videoing!!’
‘Oh yes. And since she was intending to be involving in the frollickings, that disgusting cleric – the Cecil person (what is always trying to get his hands up my skirt) was going to be operating the camera.’
‘Oh no – I am devastated.’
‘You would have been if your little Anna had not been putting her feet down firmly, and risking the deportation into the bargaining.’
‘Well I suppose I should thank you for that.’
‘You are quite welcoming – but if you would like to repay a favour?
‘Go on.’
‘Only I was thinking… if you were to marry me it would be solving the legal problems with which I am currently experiencing. Plus, it would be one in the earhole for darling wifey, eh. How about it? We would not need to consecrate the marriage if you did not want to.’
‘What! That is a preposterous idea. For one thing I am already married.’
‘Yes, but you won’t be in the state of matrimony for long, will you. The old cow has already started the divorcing procedures. Come on Georgie. What you say, hey?’

I WAS ABOUT TO DELIVER AN ANGRY RETORT TO THIS OBSCENE SUGGESTION WHEN THE LINE WENT DEAD. BUT NOT BEFORE I RECOGNISED AMANDA’S HEAVY BREATHING.