The word on the ward

is that Freddie got into a fight. In a Christian bookshop. Something to do with an argument with a Fundementalist (Creationism v Evolution) This happened when he was away at that conference – I haven't seen him since he came back so I don't know if he's got a black eye or anything.

She’s right, you know. Amanda. I have mucked things up. Why did I do it? Why do I always do it? I want to be different – I really do. But is it all in the genes? Beyond my control?
Perhaps I should have jumped. When I was on the bridge. At the top of the arch. Near that big red lantern. Instead of letting old Sam the copper talk me down. Which reminds me – he hasn’t been to see me for a while. Perhaps he has other fish to fry. Or, he has found more fertile ground in which to sow his seeds?
Enough of the metaphors.

Amanda wants me to talk about my childhood – specifically my mother. I really would like to examine this time of my life, but I am a bit scared. Our household was strange (although I did not think so when I was growing up). For example – I got my name from someone who lived with us at the time I was born. I don’t remember him and everyone was a bit vague when I asked later. All I know was that he came from Liverpool and was not a relative.
Now why would you name you son after a lodger? If indeed he was a lodger. I’d love to know who he really was, but all the people who might have been able to shed light on this shadowy figure are long dead.
But Liverpool is not the main focus of our intended archaeological dig – Amanda and me. No, it is much closer to home. And who knows what might come crawling out from under the big flat stones that have been carefully laid over my past.

The reason Amanda wants to talk about my mother is, of course, obvious: my relationship with my mother has become a model for how I see and relate to all women.

Oh, I’m off to bed!

THE NEXT DAY

Up in the night, I was. With wind. It’s the IBS. But also I do not believe I am getting proper food. A baked potato for your lunch? A piece of soggy pizza and a bit of cauliflower-cheese for your tea? How would you like it?
Anyway they are letting me out for the day. To go and see my boat. Well I have rather let it drift (?) - what with being in here and all that has happened to me. Neglected it. So I am going down there to open the windows, fill the water tank, generally check it over. Also to take on board provisions (not a word to Amanda). I must also try and find my sextant. I do not have GPS on my boat, but the way I see it, if ‘steering by the stars’ was good enough for Columbus, it is good enough for me.

I would not choose go today to – what with it being a Bank Holiday and all that, but I need to pay the mooring fees and the office is only open weekends now. Not like the old days when that other chap was in charge. Can’t remember his name now. He was there EVERY day but he buggered off, suddenly. I often wonder what happened to him.

That’s Life though, isn’t it – people let you down. There is no stability, no continuity.

(to be continued)