HAVE NO FEAR – GEORGE IS HERE.

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No, Anna, you have done nothing to offend; it is simply that I have had a couple of days of a ‘downer’.

Freddie has been at a conference and Doctor Singh (you remember him? Old Etonian, Hindu?) had a talk with me.
‘I’m not increasing my medication.’ I said.
‘My dear chap,’ He always calls me that. ‘I would not dream of asking you to. You know that, in some sense, I am a neo-Laingian rather than a post-Freudian.’
‘Well, as my mother used to say,’ I quipped, ‘it takes all sorts.’
‘What did she mean by that?’ asked a puzzled Dr S.
‘I have no idea. She had all sorts of funny sayings.’
‘Can you give me an example?’
I thought for a bit. ‘Well, if she was a bit stressed – she was often stressed - she might say, “I wish I was a moggie and the cat had me.”, and another one was “It won’t always be dark at four o clock.”’
'What is a moggie?'
'Well, for most people it is a cat, but my mother always called a mouse a moggie.'
‘Didn’t your mother once threaten to throw herself in the lake?’
‘Reservoir.’ I corrected.
‘How old were you at the time?’
‘I suppose I must have been four or five – it was before my dad went into the Air Force.’
‘That must have been pretty scary for you. To hear your mum say that, I mean.’
‘It was. I can remember looking up and seeing two grown ups – there may have been three – shouting at each other. And I somehow felt responsible… not responsible for what it was all about – I didn’t understand what it was about – but responsible for doing something , doing something to make everything all right. But I didn’t know what to do.’
‘But how could you know what to do? You were only four.’ Replied Dr Singh. He then went of to ask me to tell him (again) about the incident of the pillow.

But enough of this, Anna..

I have bought myself a watch. A Swiss Army Watch. It was an ‘offer’ in the Daily Telegraph (I do read other newspapers, too: The Independent, The Times, and the social workers parish magazine : The Guardian. I wanted to cheer myself up. It is very nice; it has a luminous dial – well I suppose you would need that in the army since they must do a lot of their work in the dark.
I showed it to Derek (the self-harmer) and he said, ‘What do you want that for? You’re not in the Swiss Army.’
I said, ‘No, but if I ever join, I will already have the watch.’
‘But that’s silly.’ He replied. ‘If you joined they would give you a watch – along with one of those special penknives.’
‘Ah, but you see, I figure that if I already have the watch they will give me an extra bit of kit instead: like another pair of boots, or a shirt’

Derek lost interest. I can’t say I blame him.

Anyway, how are you, my love? You seem to be quite settling in chez Brian. Well, don’t get too comfortable! Your future lies with George, not some gay bus-driver.

I will close now as I have had a recurrence of the old IBS and have been ensconced in the thunder-box for most of the morning. This has delayed me, and I have much to do today. I see by my Swiss Army Watch that the time is 1.27pm - I shall be late on parade.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Your ever loving

George